Saturday, January 28, 2006

State of the Union Address Drinking Game

As a younger woman, I confess, I regularly played drinking games. As a woman with lots of extra "junk in my trunk", I regularly won. However, given many years without practice, when I played the State of the Union Address Drinking Game last year, I missed everything after about the first ten minutes. My oldest son consoled me, "You didn't miss a thing." It seems that Bush really did just come out and say the same things over and over again, putting me in serious danger of alcohol poisoning. But I wanted this year to be different. So, I have designed my own State of the Union drinking game, with "easier" rules, for the old, weak, and out of practice. After all, part of being the mom is being responsible.

(1) Enough shot glasses for everyone in your party. Independents and Green Party guests can have paper cups. The Republicans can drink from the dog's water bowl.
(2) An American lightweight drink - domestic beer, Zima, wine coolers, Arbor Mist.
(3) Clear Tequila, limes and salt.
(4) Blue liquor - Island Blue Pucker is a good choice.
(5) Red liquor - something cinnamon, or fruity
(6) Cheese, and the foods that go with cheese - crackers, sausage, mustard, etc.

Mom's Rules:
Every time GB says security, safety, protect, spreading democracy, vote, Al Queda, Iraq, Iran, North Korea, 9/11, terrorists, or social security, drink a lightweight shot. He's probably going to pound you with these, and you don't want to pass out too early.
Every time he mentions the military, our brave soldiers, or their sacrifice, stab a piece of cheese and eat it. Cheese is also appropriate anytime he points out an audience member to inspire us.
Every time he says the phrase, securing our nation's borders, or mentions Mexico, or illegal immigration, drink a shot of tequila.
If he mentions Abramoff, Rove, DeLay, Cunningham, partisan attacks, corruption, Judge Alito, or claims that the program is legal, drink a red shot. When he claims that the program is legal, you must also yell, "Bullshit!" or you must drink two shots.
Every time the camera shows the members of the military not applauding when the members of his party are, drink a blue shot.
Every time the camera shows an audience member looking exasperated, or rolling their eyes, drink a blue shot.
Any time GB mispronounces a word or uses poor grammar, yell, "Moron!", and drink a blue shot.
When he says the economy is strong, home ownership is up, or unemployment is only 4.9 percent, yell, "Truthiness isn't truth!"

Don't kill too many brain cells, we have midterm elections coming up, don't drink and drive, and don't serve alcohol to minors. With that said, party on.

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